This past Saturday, I dragged myself out of my cozy bed at 9 AM and drove to Bellefonte at 10 AM to meet one of my oldest girl friends at Formalities, a bridal shop/all-things-wedding-planning boutique. She's been engaged for the past two years and has thus been planning her dream wedding for the past one and half. As you might guess, I wasn't thrilled to be driving an hour in each direction on one of the most valuable final-studying days of the semester, but I went anyway because I am in the wedding party and had to be measured for my dress (which I am told I have to pay for, by the way...?!) and also because I've known her since we were six and she's depending on me during this whole ordeal (not sure why...)
Anyway, I was doubly un-psyched to be doing this because I knew that her super hyper, just-engaged, wedding-crazed cousin would be there, too. I had been to Formalities before--in July--to see my friend's dress, and knew what to expect...so for the duration of the hour-long drive, I was mentally and spiritually prepping myself for the fake-tanned (all female) employees to bombard me with "girl talk" as well as with their chemically-whitened smiles, perfect hair, and skin-tight clothes. And good thing I was, because they did exactly as I expected: all three women asked me what I thought of the dress materials and colors (wedding dress and bride's maids' dresses), my friend's fiance, their chosen venue, their potential honeymoon locations, their "save-the-dates" and invitations, my ideas for the bachellorette party, and four thousand other things about which I frankly don't give a damn. I mustered as much fake peppiness that I could and was quite pleasant considering the circumstances, if I do say so myself.
Soon after escaping the clutches of the wedding-crazed loonies, my friend looked at me and excitedly asked, "Hannah, why don't you just follow us to the State College Mall so I can have your input for my registry?! We get to use one of those GUNS!!!" And I thought: What the hell is a registry? It clicked...only because I've seen "The Wedding Planner" with Jennifer Lopez. Then I thought: How am I going to get out of this? It seems like torture...as IF using a "gun" to walk around for hours on end scanning tens of thousands of dollars worth of superfluous kitchen supplies and tacky home decor is going to make my day...
I went.
It was torture...(I wouldn't have survived if I hadn't been able to run to Barnes&Noble cafe for a coffee!)
I'm really sorry to be such a cynic, but I DO NOT UNDERSTAND America's modern and ever-growing-out-of-control wedding industry! It's just such a joke! I'm not trying to make fun of my friend (or anyone else), and she knows my attitude towards it all. So if she's reading this: no offense. I love you. Your wedding will be as beautiful as you want it to be...and it will be YOU! It's just so weird to me...
A wedding is basically the bride's call, at least in this case. My friend, like the majority of today's American brides, is spending SO much money on ONE day's worth of activities. She has a tiara, a special be-jeweled veil, matching (expensive!) bridesmaids dresses, flower girls and boys, wedding bands and rings and the like, special unnaturally-colored flowers for all of us to hold, a cake to feed her 300+ guests, and a registry that includes at least $5,000 worth of stuff.
The whole time I was at the fitting/register outing I kept wondering where in the world is her fiance? Does he not have an opinion on their future house decor or kitchen supplies? Does he not want to have his favorite colors incorporated in his special day, too? It's just weird to me that wedding planning has generally become the sole duty of the bride and her mom/girl friends. Websites, tv shows (Bridezillas, Say Yes to the Dress), and magazines like "The Knot" are aimed specifically at brides like my friend. I'm not saying that it's wrong or pathetic to be excited about your wedding (it's a really important, exciting day!) but it's just not my taste to go all-out on this frilly, white-dress, huge-cake mania. I think I'll probably catch at least a bit of the "wedding fever" when/if I get married, but God help me if I turn into a maniac about it.
Also on my mind this past Saturday: wedding stores, books, magazines, etc. allow virtually no room for anything but heterosexual marriage. It's so dichotomous! Brides like x, grooms like y. End of story. I kept waiting to see something that wasn't so gender-specific, but never saw it. The guy at Bed, Bath, and Beyond who helped my friend register at that store, said to all three of us girls as we were about to embark on our grand scanning adventure, "Oh, girls! Don't let her hold back! You're the bride...it's your job!" It's her job to do what?! Where are these stereotypes coming from?
Anyway, "Best Wishes."
Monday, December 13, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Gender Identities Presentation
Thursday's presentation on gender identities by Toria and Hilary was completely eye-opening to me, especially because Andie got a chance to explain her transgender experiences and everyday life. I think the subject of gender identities, especially out of the "norm," is very uncomfortable for some people because they aren't able to put themselves outside of the "box" enough to appreciate and/or accept others' unique identities. It's unfortunate that our society lacks language and understanding of transgender identities and people, but I think that presentations like this one are quite necessary for spreading the knowledge and subsequent appreciation and understanding of the issue, especially at Juniata.
I was very impressed by the new gender model that Toria and Andie have been developing. It seems so involved, but really is applicable to almost every gendered situation (which is basically everything...). The fact that they identify gender and sexuality as fluid is really interesting...because I'd never really considered it before; sometimes I live to express my femininity and other times I like to dress more masculinely and act less femininely. The distinctions of each "type" of gender--ascribed, expressed, and identity--were also very interesting to consider. I have reflected on my (and society's) tendency to automatically ascribe genders to people I see (I think it's pretty normal), but have never really considered how my expression and identity change on a daily basis to fit the gender people ascribe.
Through this presentation I was also made brutally aware of how uneducated I am about gender in general. Like, I think I'm definitely still stuck in the male/female, opposite gender world. It takes a lot for me to push past that, not because I'm afraid of or made uncomfortable by it, but just because I'm a product of American society. I had no idea what some of the terms meant, like "cisgender" and "intersex" (instead of hermaphrodite). I really would love to learn more about gender issues, especially transgender issues.
Ultimately, the presentation was eye-opening and very inspiring. I give Andie and Toria so much credit for just having the courage to be themselves and love each other for exactly who they are.
I was very impressed by the new gender model that Toria and Andie have been developing. It seems so involved, but really is applicable to almost every gendered situation (which is basically everything...). The fact that they identify gender and sexuality as fluid is really interesting...because I'd never really considered it before; sometimes I live to express my femininity and other times I like to dress more masculinely and act less femininely. The distinctions of each "type" of gender--ascribed, expressed, and identity--were also very interesting to consider. I have reflected on my (and society's) tendency to automatically ascribe genders to people I see (I think it's pretty normal), but have never really considered how my expression and identity change on a daily basis to fit the gender people ascribe.
Through this presentation I was also made brutally aware of how uneducated I am about gender in general. Like, I think I'm definitely still stuck in the male/female, opposite gender world. It takes a lot for me to push past that, not because I'm afraid of or made uncomfortable by it, but just because I'm a product of American society. I had no idea what some of the terms meant, like "cisgender" and "intersex" (instead of hermaphrodite). I really would love to learn more about gender issues, especially transgender issues.
Ultimately, the presentation was eye-opening and very inspiring. I give Andie and Toria so much credit for just having the courage to be themselves and love each other for exactly who they are.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Oppression Revisited
Well, I was basically just as confused after ending our class' second oppression discussion on Tuesday. I just keep blurring the lines between discrimination and oppression and, come to think of it, don't know if I can really find a definition of oppression that I'm 100% comfortable with. I know that oppression can cause mental, psychological, physical, etc. harm and that individuals who are oppressed experience oppression because they belong to a larger group that is oppressed. Oppressors usually benefit at the expense of the oppressed because they gain power by restricting others' options and privileges.
The poems were a nice way to revisit the issue of oppression...it was a breath of fresh air compared to the readings and presentations we've had lately. All of the poems were very powerful in my opinion and helped to express oppression at an individual level (even though we talked about, and I might have even agreed with the idea, that oppression cannot happen to the individual). I think I misunderstood that, though, because oppression obviously affects the individual, but only because that specific, oppressed individual belongs to a larger group that is oppressed.
The Bridge Poem was the poem to which I most related...even though I'm White, I could really empathize with Donna Kate Rushin because she wrote about how sick she gets of having to worry about pleasing everyone, especially when it comes to her friends and loved ones of different races. I don't have many minority friends, most likely as a product of growing up and continuing to live and study in Huntingdon, but I also feel the pressure as a "bridge" between my friends from different realms of my life. When, for example, my friends from high school come back from their distant colleges and universities and want to catch up, I feel like I should invite my current friends from Juniata. It gets so sticky, though, because my Juniata friends and my high school friends are just different people and know different Hannahs. So I feel this pressure to relate them to each other and entertain and prevent awkward silences and it just gets so damn overwhelming! I don't think this is oppression because it's just something about my personality that gets me anxious and overwhelmed about my different realm friends.
I thought Rushin's last stanza was the most inspirational: "I must be the bridge to nowhere/ But my true self/ And then/ I will be useful"
I feel kind of stupid relating my previously-mentioned experience to Rushin's clearly more dire situation...I think she has a harder struggle for sure.
Also during this class discussion, I kept feeling really uneasy because it struck me that I could actually be (and am most likely) oppressing someone. I really don't want to do that, but (and though it might sound selfish) I don't want to be oppressed either.
I'll snap my fingers and just get rid of oppression/oppressors altogether.
(snap).
The poems were a nice way to revisit the issue of oppression...it was a breath of fresh air compared to the readings and presentations we've had lately. All of the poems were very powerful in my opinion and helped to express oppression at an individual level (even though we talked about, and I might have even agreed with the idea, that oppression cannot happen to the individual). I think I misunderstood that, though, because oppression obviously affects the individual, but only because that specific, oppressed individual belongs to a larger group that is oppressed.
The Bridge Poem was the poem to which I most related...even though I'm White, I could really empathize with Donna Kate Rushin because she wrote about how sick she gets of having to worry about pleasing everyone, especially when it comes to her friends and loved ones of different races. I don't have many minority friends, most likely as a product of growing up and continuing to live and study in Huntingdon, but I also feel the pressure as a "bridge" between my friends from different realms of my life. When, for example, my friends from high school come back from their distant colleges and universities and want to catch up, I feel like I should invite my current friends from Juniata. It gets so sticky, though, because my Juniata friends and my high school friends are just different people and know different Hannahs. So I feel this pressure to relate them to each other and entertain and prevent awkward silences and it just gets so damn overwhelming! I don't think this is oppression because it's just something about my personality that gets me anxious and overwhelmed about my different realm friends.
I thought Rushin's last stanza was the most inspirational: "I must be the bridge to nowhere/ But my true self/ And then/ I will be useful"
I feel kind of stupid relating my previously-mentioned experience to Rushin's clearly more dire situation...I think she has a harder struggle for sure.
Also during this class discussion, I kept feeling really uneasy because it struck me that I could actually be (and am most likely) oppressing someone. I really don't want to do that, but (and though it might sound selfish) I don't want to be oppressed either.
I'll snap my fingers and just get rid of oppression/oppressors altogether.
(snap).
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Womedia
The most recent presentation dealt with the way in which women, particularly Black and Latina women, are portrayed in the media. I must confess that I often let the media's representation of women get to me...in the back of my mind I think that all Latina (/Spanish-speaking/looking) women are generally hot-tempered and sassy in a "spicy" kind of way. Similarly, although Black women exhibit a different kind of sassy-ness, I still think (as a result of the media's portrayal and influence) that they have huge attitudes and express themselves very dramatically. On the opposite side of the spectrum, Asian women are portrayed as quiet, coy seductresses, or "china dolls" who act shy and cute but are actually well-experienced sexual beings, or even predators.
Of course I feel like an idiot trying to explain this...I sound so racist! But I think it's just proof of our society's ongoing struggle against the media's influence. While I watch much less television than I used to, I still see advertisements and observe real-life situations that lead to stereotyping Latina/Black/Asian/Whatever women.
It was interesting to consider that the more races a woman in advertising, movies, television, etc. can "play," the more job opportunities she has and the more successful she becomes. Jessica Alba has played Black, Latina, and White roles and is famously successful. Same goes for Jennifer Lopez...truthfully, it was strange for me to really consciously consider the fact that Jennifer Lopez is Puerto Rican and not Black or White like the roles she often fills. Weird!
Our conversation about skin lightness or darkness was also quite interesting...it's so funny to think that very little women are actually happy with their natural skin tones. Since I've been abroad, I was aware of other women's desires to have skin and hair lighter than their natural color. In Greece, so many of the olive-skinned, dark-haired women dyed their hair bleach-blonde to look more "American" or "European." The most successful models and tv stars were blonde (fake or otherwise) with light, porcelain-looking skin. The whole thing seemed so crazy to me...I was thinking: "I'd kill for their beautiful olive-colored skin, darker hair, and bold features!" I think ethnic-looking women are so strikingly beautiful...I feel plain and boring next to them! While women overseas are lightening their skin and hair, women in the United States are killing themselves in tanning beds and having hair-dye or fake-tan catastrophes while attempting to make themselves look darker and exotic.
We're so messed up!
Of course I feel like an idiot trying to explain this...I sound so racist! But I think it's just proof of our society's ongoing struggle against the media's influence. While I watch much less television than I used to, I still see advertisements and observe real-life situations that lead to stereotyping Latina/Black/Asian/Whatever women.
It was interesting to consider that the more races a woman in advertising, movies, television, etc. can "play," the more job opportunities she has and the more successful she becomes. Jessica Alba has played Black, Latina, and White roles and is famously successful. Same goes for Jennifer Lopez...truthfully, it was strange for me to really consciously consider the fact that Jennifer Lopez is Puerto Rican and not Black or White like the roles she often fills. Weird!
Our conversation about skin lightness or darkness was also quite interesting...it's so funny to think that very little women are actually happy with their natural skin tones. Since I've been abroad, I was aware of other women's desires to have skin and hair lighter than their natural color. In Greece, so many of the olive-skinned, dark-haired women dyed their hair bleach-blonde to look more "American" or "European." The most successful models and tv stars were blonde (fake or otherwise) with light, porcelain-looking skin. The whole thing seemed so crazy to me...I was thinking: "I'd kill for their beautiful olive-colored skin, darker hair, and bold features!" I think ethnic-looking women are so strikingly beautiful...I feel plain and boring next to them! While women overseas are lightening their skin and hair, women in the United States are killing themselves in tanning beds and having hair-dye or fake-tan catastrophes while attempting to make themselves look darker and exotic.
We're so messed up!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Oppression
The Tuesday before Thanksgiving break, we had small group/class discussions about oppression. I knew I should have blogged about this before everything we talked about left my mind, but I didn't. Now I'm struggling to read the scribbles that are my class notes to come up with something to say about the subject. Not that the struggle's too hard because oppression is a pretty easy topic to write about if I put my mind to it (and just ramble about it...like I do about pretty much everything else).
I liked the way Marnie put it in our small group: Oppression is anything that limits or takes away someone's power/agency. It can effect one psychologically, emotionally, physically, etc., and has a lot to do with equality and where one falls on the "power spectrum." Regardless of the way its manifested (psychologically, emotionally, etc.), I think it's quite obvious that oppression is a negative thing...no one ever benefits from having their power taken away from them. Furthermore, oppression is more often than not exercised in an unjust or even cruel manner by those at the top of the power pyramid. I also think it's very possible for the oppressed to be unaware of their oppression and powerlessness, particularly its origin; whether or not the oppressed remain intentionally unaware is another thing to think about. If I felt oppressed but knew I had absolutely no power to do anything about it, I don't know if I'd see the point in fighting it. That makes me sound pretty pathetic and pessimistic (oh well...that's kind of how my mood is right now :-X).
On another note, it was important for me to recognize the distinction between discrimination and oppression. I think the major difference between the two is that discrimination can and does happen at the individual level in a specific situation. Oppression has more to do with a group identity...one can, in fact, be born into oppression (race, class, gender, etc.)...but then again, those groups are also discriminated. My mind's going around in circles with these two terms.
I think I'll stop while I'm ahead...and maybe listen to Ben Harper's "Oppression/Get Up, Stand Up", which has these lyrics:
oppression
you seek population control
oppression
to divide and to conquer is your goal
oppression
I swear that hatred is your home
oppression
you just won't leave bad enough alone
but oppression
I won't let you near me
oppression
you shall learn to fear me
I liked the way Marnie put it in our small group: Oppression is anything that limits or takes away someone's power/agency. It can effect one psychologically, emotionally, physically, etc., and has a lot to do with equality and where one falls on the "power spectrum." Regardless of the way its manifested (psychologically, emotionally, etc.), I think it's quite obvious that oppression is a negative thing...no one ever benefits from having their power taken away from them. Furthermore, oppression is more often than not exercised in an unjust or even cruel manner by those at the top of the power pyramid. I also think it's very possible for the oppressed to be unaware of their oppression and powerlessness, particularly its origin; whether or not the oppressed remain intentionally unaware is another thing to think about. If I felt oppressed but knew I had absolutely no power to do anything about it, I don't know if I'd see the point in fighting it. That makes me sound pretty pathetic and pessimistic (oh well...that's kind of how my mood is right now :-X).
On another note, it was important for me to recognize the distinction between discrimination and oppression. I think the major difference between the two is that discrimination can and does happen at the individual level in a specific situation. Oppression has more to do with a group identity...one can, in fact, be born into oppression (race, class, gender, etc.)...but then again, those groups are also discriminated. My mind's going around in circles with these two terms.
I think I'll stop while I'm ahead...and maybe listen to Ben Harper's "Oppression/Get Up, Stand Up", which has these lyrics:
oppression
you seek population control
oppression
to divide and to conquer is your goal
oppression
I swear that hatred is your home
oppression
you just won't leave bad enough alone
but oppression
I won't let you near me
oppression
you shall learn to fear me
Gendered Drinks
Well, this Thanksgiving break was the first one where all of my friends from high school (including me, one of the youngest) are finally 21. Naturally, "hanging out" with old friends over breaks no longer involves only going out together for dinner, movies, and the like, but is instead rather excitingly supplemented with (well...kind of dominated by) going out to the bar(s). I got a little taste of "bar-hopping" at summer's end because my sister and I turned 21 on August 22, only a few days before everyone else "of age" were heading back to their schools. Over the past weekend, I went out with a few friends who were home and since I'm now almost constantly thinking about gender roles, I finally noticed the gendered drinks phenomenon.
I'm not saying that I wasn't aware of "the great divide" before this weekend; obviously attending school here has taught me a lot about American college students' alcohol culture. Anyway, I was at boxer's splitting a pitcher of some kind of light beer (I'm really no expert, but I think it was Yuengling) between five girls, two of whom I didn't know, and two of the girls kept complaining about drinking beer because they really just wanted to have girly drinks (as a side-note, I later found out that this meant dumping cheap whiskey into a whiskey sour mixer bottle and drinking it from the pouring nozzle. Uh, yeah...super girly!)
But all this got me thinking about how weird it is that our society has "girly" drinks and "manly drinks." Girly drinks are the ones that are fruity, garnished, and fancy-looking. Manly drinks, I guess, are basically anything not girly. Isn't that the truth about everything "manly," though: To be a man, negate what it means to be a woman and you've got it! (credit to Valenti). There exists this great divide, though. Some guys think it's awesome if a girl loves beer (the darker and hoppy-er, the better in my experience), so really...women have a lot more options when it comes to drinking alcohol without being judged by others. Guys, on the other hand, are criticized for wanting to consume "girly" drinks. Same old, same old.
Here's a funny link that explains, for guys, what NEVER to order at a bar (if you want to keep your masculinity).
http://www.justnews.com/slideshow/entertainment/13648473/detail.html
Cheers!
I'm not saying that I wasn't aware of "the great divide" before this weekend; obviously attending school here has taught me a lot about American college students' alcohol culture. Anyway, I was at boxer's splitting a pitcher of some kind of light beer (I'm really no expert, but I think it was Yuengling) between five girls, two of whom I didn't know, and two of the girls kept complaining about drinking beer because they really just wanted to have girly drinks (as a side-note, I later found out that this meant dumping cheap whiskey into a whiskey sour mixer bottle and drinking it from the pouring nozzle. Uh, yeah...super girly!)
But all this got me thinking about how weird it is that our society has "girly" drinks and "manly drinks." Girly drinks are the ones that are fruity, garnished, and fancy-looking. Manly drinks, I guess, are basically anything not girly. Isn't that the truth about everything "manly," though: To be a man, negate what it means to be a woman and you've got it! (credit to Valenti). There exists this great divide, though. Some guys think it's awesome if a girl loves beer (the darker and hoppy-er, the better in my experience), so really...women have a lot more options when it comes to drinking alcohol without being judged by others. Guys, on the other hand, are criticized for wanting to consume "girly" drinks. Same old, same old.
Here's a funny link that explains, for guys, what NEVER to order at a bar (if you want to keep your masculinity).
http://www.justnews.com/slideshow/entertainment/13648473/detail.html
Cheers!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Gender Roles in (heterosexual, white, middle-class) Marriage
Even though the guys who presented on Gender Roles in Marriage seemingly neglected to consider other races, social classes, and sexual orientations in their studies, I don't think they were as neglecting as some of my classmates perceived. In fact, I think they did a great job presenting valuable information that obviously generated a lot of (heated) class discussions and got me thinking.
The presentation included almost all graphs and other statistic visuals, which was indeed necessary for us to understand the main points of their topic, but I was and always have been very easily deterred, bored, and often overwhelmed by tons of graphs and charts. Anyway, I was able to keep myself together enough to enjoy the presentation and learn a few things about my fellow classmates. The guys' survey was an awesome idea! It was interesting to learn how the guys promoted their survey (email, arch, facebook), and even though some of the data was skewed as a result of vague or confusing questioning, it was cool to see how the majority of Juniata students perceive gender roles in marriages.
I thought it was important when Celia pointed out that surveys generally measure peoples' attitudes (not actual behaviors!) about certain things, and this survey probably was no exception.
As far as my own input on gender roles in marriage, my parents did not fulfill "traditional" or "egalitarian" gender roles. Until my parents split up when I was a senior in high school, my dad cooked dinner most of the time, except if my mom declared it a "gumbo" or "etouffe" night, in which case it was as important to attend as Christmas or New Year's dinner (it seemed and still seems like my dad's main purpose for living was to cook HUGE Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners...) My dad always got us cereal for breakfast on school days and brought it into my sister and I while we watched Scooby Doo on the couch; he made "BB" most every Saturday or Sunday, which stands for "Big Breakfast" and was either pancakes/waffles, bacon/sausage, dippy/scrambled eggs (I don't know how my sister and I managed to escape childhood obesity...) My friends always thought it was funny that my dad cooked the meals because whenever I spent the night at their houses, their moms made the meals.
Come to think of it, I guess we had some traditional family roles, too: my mom did most of the house cleaning, but was and is always very dramatic about it. My sister and I would help her out most of the time and fight over who got to clean what/where. Sometimes I would pretend to have forgotten the right way to sweep the kitchen floor because I knew my mom would grab the broom to demonstrate and end up doing the job for me...I also remember calling dibs on cleaning the bathrooms because after I scrubbed everything with chemicals I could believably fake a pretty serious headache. That's so off-topic and just revealing to everyone what a manipulative little brat I was...anyway:
My dad gardened, mowed, etc., and sometimes washed the dishes (which took him hours because he's obsessed with saving energy/water). I can remember raking leaves until I had blisters and weeding my dad's garden and digging up potatoes one summer. I also remember the day that my dad taught us how to wash dishes and clothes the summer between third and fourth grades...ugh. As my sister and I grew up, we took on more of the house cleaning and yard responsibilities, especially because my mom worked very time-consuming jobs and my dad commutes from Huntingdon to Indiana, PA as a Biology professor at IUP.
I think that most healthy families (with either heterosexual or homosexual parents) figure out which roles work best for them (within reason), and just kind of...settle. And then it either works out or it doesn't, right? Because we all have different experiences as a result of how our families settle, it seems kind of unfair for one person to judge the way another person's works.
The presentation included almost all graphs and other statistic visuals, which was indeed necessary for us to understand the main points of their topic, but I was and always have been very easily deterred, bored, and often overwhelmed by tons of graphs and charts. Anyway, I was able to keep myself together enough to enjoy the presentation and learn a few things about my fellow classmates. The guys' survey was an awesome idea! It was interesting to learn how the guys promoted their survey (email, arch, facebook), and even though some of the data was skewed as a result of vague or confusing questioning, it was cool to see how the majority of Juniata students perceive gender roles in marriages.
I thought it was important when Celia pointed out that surveys generally measure peoples' attitudes (not actual behaviors!) about certain things, and this survey probably was no exception.
As far as my own input on gender roles in marriage, my parents did not fulfill "traditional" or "egalitarian" gender roles. Until my parents split up when I was a senior in high school, my dad cooked dinner most of the time, except if my mom declared it a "gumbo" or "etouffe" night, in which case it was as important to attend as Christmas or New Year's dinner (it seemed and still seems like my dad's main purpose for living was to cook HUGE Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners...) My dad always got us cereal for breakfast on school days and brought it into my sister and I while we watched Scooby Doo on the couch; he made "BB" most every Saturday or Sunday, which stands for "Big Breakfast" and was either pancakes/waffles, bacon/sausage, dippy/scrambled eggs (I don't know how my sister and I managed to escape childhood obesity...) My friends always thought it was funny that my dad cooked the meals because whenever I spent the night at their houses, their moms made the meals.
Come to think of it, I guess we had some traditional family roles, too: my mom did most of the house cleaning, but was and is always very dramatic about it. My sister and I would help her out most of the time and fight over who got to clean what/where. Sometimes I would pretend to have forgotten the right way to sweep the kitchen floor because I knew my mom would grab the broom to demonstrate and end up doing the job for me...I also remember calling dibs on cleaning the bathrooms because after I scrubbed everything with chemicals I could believably fake a pretty serious headache. That's so off-topic and just revealing to everyone what a manipulative little brat I was...anyway:
My dad gardened, mowed, etc., and sometimes washed the dishes (which took him hours because he's obsessed with saving energy/water). I can remember raking leaves until I had blisters and weeding my dad's garden and digging up potatoes one summer. I also remember the day that my dad taught us how to wash dishes and clothes the summer between third and fourth grades...ugh. As my sister and I grew up, we took on more of the house cleaning and yard responsibilities, especially because my mom worked very time-consuming jobs and my dad commutes from Huntingdon to Indiana, PA as a Biology professor at IUP.
I think that most healthy families (with either heterosexual or homosexual parents) figure out which roles work best for them (within reason), and just kind of...settle. And then it either works out or it doesn't, right? Because we all have different experiences as a result of how our families settle, it seems kind of unfair for one person to judge the way another person's works.
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