In preparing to discuss Tong's Chapter 5: Care Focused Feminism, I concentrated on the Maternal Ethics and the Ethics of Healthcare section. Most of it covered ideas proposed and critiqued by Sara Ruddick, who identified the cultural and biological aspects of mothering. Culturally, both men and women alike can learn how to be "mothers," but men are limited in the biological aspect in that only women can bear children (duh). It is the biological ability, however, that leads to the patriarchal-prescribed idea that all women are born as (and wish to be) mothers. As a result, child-rearing is most frequently perceived as "women's work," the majority of women develop what Ruddick calls "maternal practice" (which is notably different from the "institution of motherhood").
Ruddick stresses that maternal practice should not be trivialized. "Maternal thinking," which is the unity of the reflections, judgments, and emotions involved in maternal practice, is learned (not all women are natural-born mothers, and men can learn to mother in the same way that women can), it is hard work, and it requires special abilities, thoughts, and behaviors. The goal of any mother who practices maternal thinking is to preserve the life of their children, as well as to foster growth (physical/psychological/emotional) and social acceptance.
Ruddick compares the "institution of motherhood" with "maternal practice." The institution of motherhood, which is defined by patriarchal standards, portrays all mothers as female, heterosexual, self-sacrificial, and non-adventurous individuals. Mothers in the institution of motherhood must literally live for and through their children, as they can not (and should not desire to) leave the home. Conversely, maternal practice identifies mothers as those individuals, male or female, who realize the dimensions of theirselves within and beyond their children. Maternal practice mothers successfully preserve the lives, growth, and social acceptability of their children.
As a result of such conflicting ideals, many mothers frequently feel overwhelmed by their maternal duties, while others just have good days and bad. To maintain sanity as a mother preserves her child's life, an individuals needs to balance several virtues, including scrutiny, humility, and cheerfulness. Scrutiny includes adequately surveying the environment for possible dangers, but not so much as to invent dangers in every situation; humility refers to ability of the mother to recognize that s/he cannot protect their child from everything (a scraped knee does not equate immediate death); cheerfullness is virtue one must have to realize that there is always a way to cope with a bad situation.
To ensure the growth of one's child, it is important that a mother not set unrealistic expectations of his/her child. To hlep a child in socializing, it is important to stress social norms, but not in an overly-conforming light. It is important for all mothers in maternal practice to decide when and when not to let their own personal values guide their child-rearing practices, which often means making decisions with their children so that the social values are agreed upon instead of forced upon.
Basically, mothering is the most complex job in the world. Truthfully, reading about the importance of balancing all the virtues involved in preserving life and fostering growth/social acceptance stressed me out! I don't know if I agree with all of this black-and-white, clearly-defined mothering structure. Maybe it becomes more of a natural thing as you encounter each phase of a child's growth. I'm sure when/if I become a mother, I'll experience times where I'd just rather give up...hopefully I'll have Tong's book around to help me find balance ;)
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